The following text is an edited excerpt from a talk by
Patrick Sweeney given at a meditation program entitled “The
Mahamudra Path” on December 1, 2000 in Ojai, CA.
The Path of the Insider
To properly practice the dharma, it is essential that, to
some degree, you know what you're doing, and have some confidence
in it. It's important that you have experienced the basic
impetus of renunciation. You might call it a conversion experience.
It's very important that you've gone through some sort of
process which has brought you to a point of clarity within
yourself that you are no longer interested in defining your
life by a continued hankering after various strategies to
manipulate the external world. In the Tibetan tradition, there
isn't a word for “buddhist”. Rather, one is referred
to as a nangpa, which means “insider”. To follow
the path, you must be an insider, which means that you have
come to the realization that searching for satisfaction through
manipulation of the external world is fruitless, and have
therefore turned inwards.
Renunciation
To be an insider, you have connected with renunciation, or
ngejung, which literally means “to become real.”
You have started the process of becoming very intimate with
yourself and you want nothing more in this life than to become
completely and utterly in sync with reality. You have seen
and tasted the physical, psychological, emotional, mental,
spiritual body of fear that is endemic to our human situation.
You've tasted it, lived it, and suffered through it for long
enough, and you want to fight back in the tradition that Trungpa
Rinpoche gave us, the tradition of spiritual warriorship.
You are ready and involved in the process of overcoming fear,
overcoming, as the Buddha put it, the maras. You have seen
that there is no other purpose to this human life other than
that.
Glimpsing Buddhanature
On one hand, you have seen that a life based on ego clinging,
a life based on hope and fear leads nowhere and on the other,
you have glimpsed this much talked about elusive buddhanature.
You have had a glimpse of actually operating in the world
from the point of view of clarity, compassion, courage, and
self-existing joy. Whether it was the moment you walked out
of Shambhala training, or in the loneliness of your own bedroom,
or after your morning meditation session, or when you get
up to make a cup of tea, you've had some glimpse that it's
possible to actually connect in a much deeper way with reality.
You have recognized that this welling up of buddhanature,
this welling up of awakened experience is what you really
want.
Spiritual Materialism
It is very important to say this right at the beginning, because
people get confused and they align themselves with spiritual
discipline and spiritual path when they don't really need
that. It's very important that you know what you're looking
for. Sometimes people come to spirituality just simply because
they're in a lot of pain. There's been a lot of literature
recently about a phenomenon called spiritual by-passing, which
is when one comes to spirituality hoping that old wounds will
be healed simply by adopting a spiritual posture or spiritual
identity. In the end, this approach will backfire. This is
what Trungpa Rinpoche called spiritual materialism. Ultimately,
only you know what you're really doing, and its important
to check in with yourself. I know why I’m here. If you
know why you're here, then we can go forward.
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